Very special THANK YOU to my sponsor Criterion General Inc.

I wanted to take a moment to thank my newest supporter Criterion General Inc.!

Criterion General, Inc. is a full-service general construction company specializing in design-build projects with a track record of successful projects and satisfied owners throughout the State of Alaska since 1992. We have accomplished this by maintaining a highly qualified staff and developing close relationships with the best subcontractors in the marketplace.

My Fall Competition Season!

Well I am officially in my prep mode for the 2013 Washington Iron Man on October 5th and the Midnight Sun in Anchorage, AK on November 9th. I am currently working out on a 5 day split with lifting and doing cardio every day! My diet is on point and I am trying to stay positive and be consistent. I gained a little more body fat in my "off season" than I planned for, but I have to stay focused on what I want to acheive in the next 11 weeks, not what damage I did since my last show. I never took a break from training since the Emerald Cup and honestly, this is the best off season I've had so far. It takes discipline and practice to learn how to balance and stay on track right after competing and I am still learning. I have to remind myself I'm not perfect and I've only been doing this for a year and a half! I've come a LONG way from where I started and it's only going to get better. I feel like going into this next fall season, I have blossomed somewhat into a more serious competitor. I have done 3 shows now and feel like I'm getting closer to the physique that I want to acheive with each prep I go through. Maybe this will be my year! A huge reason I love this sport... I always have something to look forward to. Another show,  a new stage, a new physique! Stay tuned! :)

 

 

I also created my own fund raising site with an itemized list of my competition expenses! If you would like to help support my journey to the stage just click on my link below!

 

http://www.gofundme.com/3oenb8

Prepping for the 2013 Emerald Cup

This has been a TOUGH week for me! I am broke and looking for sponsors to help me through this last show. I am hungry, MOODY, super tired and trying to get in all my cardio and training. The closer I get to the end of the week the more I want to give up. But this is when I have to push through. I have been training with my friend Junie since she is going to the Emerald Cup too and we have the same goals! To get lean as possible this next week! It's important to have someone around to push you especially at the end like this. Today I am 12 days out and getting really excited!

My division competes on May 3rd so I will at least get it over with early. Then I will be able to enjoy the weekend with my team. It's a been a long season of training, dieting and testing my limits for sure. I do feel though that I've made a lot of big gains this year and will continue to do so in the months to come. Tonight I have my last leg day before I go on stage and I have to find strength to make it a good one. Wish me luck! :)

Back Stage Bonding

BodyBuilding is a indvidual sport, but I can't imagine doing this alone! I am so very blessed to be able to compete with other ladies that are my friends, my training partners, my inspirations! Back stage at a competition might sound catty... but it isn't! We all help each other and just love to compete. The hair, the make up, the tan, the suits and jewelry... so fun! Here are some pictures from the AK State Championships... can't you just FEEL the love? I can ;) <3 Love my girls.

2013 Alaska State Championships

Well, The Alaska State Championships were held last Saturday and I was very impressed with how well I did!  I got "first call out" which is when they literally "call out" the best looking girls to stand on the front line on the stage and then they place them. It was a very tough class of 11 girls and I placed 6th! I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed when I didn't get in the top 5, but I was close and guess what? Next time I will be! After switching over to a new division in Figure Class, I am more driven than ever to keep going. I got amazing feedback from the judges and I know I will get so much stronger, leaner and better all around as a competitor in the next months to come! Here are some pictures from the show!

 

 



 

 



Back at it

After a little break I am ready to take my training to the level I was at before I got sick. I have been maintaining where I left off for a few weeks. But now it's time to start the leaning out process again. I have committed to doing the Arizona show. It's in about 9 weeks so... it's time...

One disappointing thing that happened recently though was that my suit came in... but it's the wrong color. *Sigh* I'm going to try and rent out this one and get another suit. I will be working on finding sponsors because good figure suits cost around $500 dollars :( When I step on stage, especially at a big show like the Western Regional, I want to feel amazing in my suit. It's not cheap to be in this sport, but it's something that I love and they say to "Do what you love and do it often" and that's what I intend to do!

Here goes...

Upcoming Competitions!

The next competitions I will be training for are a week apart from each other. They are both in the fall. I have roughly 20 weeks to prepare for these so now that I have a way smaller frame to start from... I'm super excited!!!

The Momma O's 2012 NPC Midnight Sun

September 29th, 2012

Wendy Williamson Auditorium

Anchorage, Alaska

http://www.npcmidnightsun.com/

The 2012 NPC Washington Ironman Bodybuilding, Fitness, Figure, Physique and Bikini Championships

October 6th, 2012

Snoqualmie Casino

Snoqualmie, Washington

http://www.craigproductions.com/ironman

(Venue)

Next stop... Figure

Well, I decided after thinking a lot and talking with my coaches Cinzia and Shawn that moving over to the Figure division would be my next goal. I started training again with Cinzia and even teamed up with a friend of mine! I haven't had an assessment in a couple weeks but I think I'm staying where I was last time and hovering in the 15%-16% range. I need to do better with doing my cardio DAILY but my diet really has been pretty on point. My training I think is already making a difference. I was on circuits for 12 weeks before the show since I had a lot of fat to lose and now I'm doing straight sets to tighten up, tone and get more lean mass! I only gained about 1.5% back since I competed and 5lbs (2 of which was lean mass) so I'm feeling good! Now to decide on a Figure suit!.... So many choices...

Post Show. Now what?

The week after my show I took a break! I only did cardio once all week.... naughty. I did, however, get right back on my "pre-cut" diet right after the weekend. I worked hard to get to this point so I really don't want to gain very much weight back. I feel a little bloated still from eating more varieties of food again and have cut my cardio back a lot (I was doing it twice a day so...). I did legs yesterday though for the first time in 2 weeks and OMG I am SORE. It does not take long for you to feel out of shape again! I can barely walk today...

I feel a bit chubby compared to what I was at the show but I did notice my arms are still pretty lean! I tend to keep a lot of fat on my limbs so I am hoping that fat doesn't ever return! I even have dips in my shoulders! Awesome :)!

Not really sure where my body fat percentage lies right now, but I'm guessing I'm at about 14%. I'd really like to stay here and not go above 15% over the summer. My new plan is to maintain while also build more lean mass! I would like to really work on my legs and abs as well. Now that I got the weight off it's time to sculpt and focus on exactly what I want to look like. I am hoping I will have enough lean mass to maybe even compete in Figure come fall. But I will not commit to a show right now until I know for sure I am ready for it. Even if I don't compete again until next spring, I will keep focusing on trying to get my best physique to come out. :)

My First Show

Well I made it through my first show. The prep was about a week and it was intense. The sodium depleting, the tanning, make up, hair etc. It was exhausting but I did it and here are some pictures...

Night before (about 13-14% bf and 125 lbs)

Hair and Make up morning of

Resting my legs at the studio

At the competitors meeting

Leah with her snacks laid out at the hotel!

On stage at night show (I'm second from the left)

Pre-judging

Night show

I'm very proud of what I acomplished in only a little over 4 months. I have a ways to go but I am off to a great start :)

Backstage with Kat and Danielle my fellow Muscle Girls

People I appreciate! :)

I'd like to take a minute to talk about all the people that I really appreciate.

First is, my mother. Her name is Cecilia Packard and she is the most beautiful person I know :) <3

My mom is always helping me out. Whether it's advice, help with my kids, or someone just to talk to and hang out with, she is always there for me. I don't tell her thank you nearly enough, so today I wanted to just give a big shout out to the woman who has helped me get this far in my life. My mommy :)

Second, my dad! My dad had always been the easy going type. Never really got that mad at me when I would get a bad grade or get into any trouble etc. He gave me support, money when I was struggling at several points of my life and never asked for anything in return.

My parents both have hearts of gold! :)

Progress pics

Starting my fitness journey was actually...quite painful. I cried on my way to train the second time because after my first session with Cinzia, my arms were so sore and I could barely move. But, I pushed through it because you know what they say, "It gets better if you keep moving". This is true. The more I kept going the less I would hurt afterwards (and I also took a lot of advil that week LOL).

As I stated in my first post. I started training at 148lbs and at 26.7% body fat. 

 Here is a photo journal of what dropping 13% of your body fat looks like...

This was after about 2 weeks of my training and dieting

(Remember, I had a baby. He was also almost 10lbs. So be kind when judging how chubby I got mmmkay lol? ;)

4 weeks

12 weeks

16 weeks

These are two pictures I like to compare to each other so I can see how much I've changed, mainly in my legs!!! (And yes... they were taken in my work bathroom lol)

6 weeks (Size 6) about 23% body fat

15 weeks (Size 2) about 17% body fat

At week 12, my shoulders were becoming more defined. I was excited about them this day lol (Obviously)...

Boom! (jk lol ;) ... )

I've always had big arms. So to see them get leaner and leaner has been pretty awesome.

15.6% Body Fat ^

15%^ (About a size 2 and 128lbs)

13-14% bf and 125lbs

Facing my fat demons

Growing up, I was always a little on the heavier side. I think it started when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I remember noticing once while changing my clothes at that age that my legs were getting bigger. I had always been pretty petite up until that point. When I got into the 5th grade, I weighed 118 lbs. Even the school nurse and gym teacher would make comments about my weight (they weren't very nice people lol).

I was often depressed during my school years. I had a lot of friends always, but I never really cared about sports or any type of physical activity. I dreaded gym class or even recess sometimes. My two favorite things to do were honestly, eat and sleep. Sometimes I would get these visions and all of a sudden want to do something about my weight, would work out like crazy in my living room or go to the gym. But then, I would make a huge bowl of macaroni and cheese or cereal and sabotage myself.

My senior year of high school, I started dating a guy who ended up being not so nice. He was insecure, mentally abusive, jealous and controlling. He would tell me things to hurt my feelings such as "You are fat" and then tell me that was why he would cheat on me etc. Needless to say, my self esteem was non-existant at that point of my life. I felt worthless and ugly all the time. After I graduated, I was proportioned but still over weight for my age and height. I was 17 years old, 5'2 and 147 lbs or so.

When I turned 18, I finally left the mean boyfriend and I started working for an airline. I decided to go ahead, start fresh as an adult and went on the Atkins Diet in an attempt to lose weight. I was going to do whatever it took to get it under control. I almost immediately dropped 15 lbs. Dropping from about 148 to 133. I was so excited to be under 140 I kept dieting really hard and got down to about 127. I started at a size 11 and got down to a size 6. Once I got that low I started working out at the gym a little on my days off. Mainly just doing the elliptical for like 20 mins and doing a circuit. OK... I went to the gym to meet boys too ;) I was young, single and for once in my life not big! Could you blame me?

Three years later, I left the airline to start a career in the oil/gas industry. When I started my new job, I also started dating a new guy. It went really well for about a year, I thought I finally had it figured it. I was on the right path. I felt "happy". Unfortunately, my new guy also had a recreational drug habit that sprialed out of control... When it started to become a full blown addiction we obviously started to have a lot of problems. He started to become more and more jealous and controlling as time went on (See a pattern lol? Sigh...). He worked out of town so when he was gone, he would constantly blow up my phone to see where I was and who I was with etc. I was so miserable in my relationship, I started packing the weight back on. I was depressed and never felt so terrible in my life. At one point, I got up to 167 lbs. My highest weight ever. Naturally, my boyfriend would pick on me for gaining weight and mock me by grabbing his stomach and jiggling it etc. I wanted to die. Inside, I already felt dead. After almost 3 years of all that, I finally left and I moved to Arizona with a friend of mine, Regina. I needed to start over once again and get my life back together. I was in bad shape physically and even more so, mentally. Mad at myself for allowing someone get me so off track. So much that I really started to hate myself and what my life had become. When I first arrived in Phoenix, I was about 160lbs.

Regina and I on Camelback Mountain. Phoenix, AZ

Over the next year in Arizona, I started meeting new people and trying to work out again. I went to the gym a few times a week and also started meeting with a trainer once a week. I got down to about 150 by the end of the year and then, I lost my job and ended up moving back up to Alaska.

I was feeling a little better about myself by the time I got back home. I had taken time to heal my head and gotten to a weight I could at least live with for the time being. It was a starting point anyway. Thankfully, I got a job offer about a week after I got back. It was a good paying job and I felt like things were starting to fall back into place. That night, I went out to celebrate. That's the night I met Jason, my husband.

Jason and I when we first started dating

Jason came with 2 daughters, whom he had full custody of. One 2 years old, the other only 10 months. Their biological mother was battling a heavy heroin addiction so was only allowed to see them every other weekend with supervision. With that said... when I started my relationship, I also instantly became a mother.

About two months after we got together with Mia 2 and Caitlin about 11 months

Jason and I ended up getting married a year and a half later and we also were expecting our first child together. A boy, named Ashton Lee.

My sweet, precious angel, Ashton <3

Over the next year, we struggled with juggling 3 kids, Jason breaking his leg and being out of commission for 8 weeks and then, the sudden and unexpected death of the girls' mother. My life had changed dramatically, again. I guess I always thought in the back of my mind that she would stop using and eventually get shared custody of the girls. But when she passed away, I became their only mother and I was going to have to take on a lot more than I ever thought I would.

All my kids together :)

I was overwhelmed, knowing I would always have 3 children all the time now. But I was going to have to make it work. I started burning myself out though with trying to take care of everyone, began to get depressed once again and even a little resentful towards my husband. Something had to change, and fast. I finally decided to talk to him about it. I told him I wasn't happy with myself and I needed to do something about it. He said he understood and would be supportive.

At my friend's wedding last summer...

That's when I started working out with a local trainer and then continuing on from there. In December 2011, I joined a womens bodybuilding team. I decided to make a goal and do a fitness competition in the spring. The next 6 months I trained my a** off in order to get my body fat down. I was at 148lbs and 26.7% body fat when I started out. (To see how that show went, keep reading) ;)

 

So there it is, the short story of how I got here today.

The truth is, I will probably always struggle with body image issues for many reasons. But now, for the first time in my life, I feel in control of my weight and my health. I have the tools to be able to change how I look and how I feel. The beauty of Body Building is that you can always improve your physique. Every competition I will be that much better... and better! I am excited about the sport and it has given me a new outlook on life. In a way, it's given me life.


In this blog I will continually document my progress on all the shows I compete in and I hope to motivate anyone that has ever thought about getting in shape or even competing. We all have struggles, we all have pasts and you are not alone in your journey.

xoxo